poetry – Dr. Kiara Shanay Lee

Picture

Keyboard, Keys, Hardware, Pc, Calculator

I saw a picture of a couple and

A couple of years ago had I been in this situation I

Woulda tripped

I woulda

Been in my feelings so mad at

How you mis-

Represented yourself

How our picture could have been perfect too

Way deeper than the photograph itself

Now I put those feelings on the shelf when I start blaming myself for your deceit

I’m an open book and your a locked diary

It’s only a matter of time.

And time isn’t on your side.

Your wife has one foot out the door and

On my way out our wedding portrait falls on the floor

It shatters and

It tatters

Broken

I leave it right there

Because that picture

Is the realest photo we ever had

Picture

Friends First

Divorce, Separation, Relationship, Argument, Conflict

Momma said

“You should be able to look at your partner across the most crowded room and

Simply know from his look that he got you”

Momma was right but

hindsight is clearer than foresight

I got his front back and sides

Because I am a lover

Because I don’t front about me and mine

But he’s undercover

A foe dressed as a friend

I’m so tired of playing pretend and

I’m so tired of cold nights under covers next to

him looking

Still looking for a friend

I find myself mending a friendship that never was because

I’m still in that crowded room

Still searching for “us “…..

We Can’t Sleep

First off, this is dedicated to the life and legacy of Breonna Taylor. Secondly, it is a call for Black folk who been sleeping to wake up.

we can’t sleep because

she can’t sleep

eyes like brown

skin like me

she was resting her wearied body and

her wearied soul

so tired

a special tired we’ve all come to know

after work, faces masked metaphorically too and questions asked

facing age old tests designed for us not to pass

a day in the life of being Black

she was tired

we’re all tired at the end of the day

she lay in her bed she rested her head in

the comfort of her own home

because home is all we got these days we’ve all come to know

her last night at home she bled from her bed

not in sleep but in death she

was sleeping while they were knocking

down her door

guns blazing in the middle of the night

in the middle of the dark

it’s amazing that folks who look like me are saying that it’s her fault

eyes like brown

skin like me

she was sleeping

and you been sleeping too

but your sleep ?

damn, your sleep really is a crime

blaming her for the people she knew

blaming her for the streets and the crew

blaming her for something she had nothing to do

with

drug dealers and the wheelers and the dealers

people we know, people we love

even when we don’t agree with what they done done

maybe she loved one, maybe she knew many

I don’t really care because

she should still be here and the cops still shouldn’t have been there

in the middle of the night

a slaughtered queen, a snuffed out life

you would know it ain’t right

if only you knew yourself

if only you knew

but you don’t because

you been sleep

I Know What It’s Like to Live in the Shadows

man in shadows of windows

Because we don’t often talk about the shadows we cast upon ourselves

Shadows hide people and things from the light

In the shadows I’ve vanished like

Dark at night

In the shadows I’ve questioned like

What is wrong and what is right and

In the shadows I’ve answered

My questions with fear and fright like

“Are you alright?”

In the shadows I’ve replied and

In the shadows I’ve lied

In the shadows, I know what it’s like

Quiet like silence, rowdy like violence

Challenging either way you slice it

Determined consistent opposition

My truth is defiant

Trust me, I know what it’s like

To be so determined to dim your own light that

You’re scared of your own shadow

Trust me, I know what it’s like

I know how shadows hide people and things from the light

The Heaviest Burden

For the nights when our love don’t love us back.

Screen Shot 2018-10-09 at 10.41.07 PM

The heaviest burden

The most urgent concern

Is when tears burn your face from the words of others because

The worst sounds come from sobs in pillows smothered with covers undercover

Doused in brokenheartedness

The hurt that our mothers vowed to protect us from

The heaviest burden

When you feel like a burden

unwanted and unappreciated

Don’t you hate it?

When somebody rather drag you out like last night’s trash just because

You and your crown are too heavy to lift?

But don’t you hate it even more when

You put your own self in that trash bin?

The heaviest burden

When you feel sorry for yourself and

You start to tear yourself down just like everyone else did

As if they really needed help with it

You take in the words and you start to believe

The alibis and the lies

Against your spirit

You can see you falling out of love with yourself so loud and so clear you can hear it

A car crash, a tree fall, a falling apart

Damn, it wasn’t like that from the start

Damn, has an artist ever been more dismissive of her own work

Of her own art?

The shit is taught. And she listened.

The heaviest burden

The rising from the fire

The guilt of a liar that

Only lies to herself

She needs some help she

Needs some medical attention

Did I mention that wounds cut the deepest

From self inflicted

Injury?

Well tell me where to start because

The heaviest burden is me

Somebody tell me where to start because

The burden is too heavy

For the Ones that Ain’t Here

man-person-school-head

His notebook was his canvas

He painted such a beautiful world

Such an artist

Drawing with his words and with his verbs

Not quite like the chalk drawing that outlined his body in the crime scene on the street curb

When his momma heard

She screamed and

She fell to her knees and

Called on Jesus

Then with God she begged and she pleaded

Not for her son and

Not for her self

But she prayed for the world and all that it needed

Defeated by

The laws of the hood

The politics of the block

Life on the corner and

This street and that set law and order

Momma said do good and

Momma said live right and

Momma said say your prayers every day and every night

But Momma didn’t tell him about the wrong side of town or

How to act or a plan of attack for

When the goons come around

He passed and some weeks passed too

And then one night all of sudden and out the blue

Momma took his notebook out of his room and

She flipped through the pages and she looked to the moon

Then she apologized for speaking too soon and

For letting her son believe the world was so beautiful

Black Blue

Your skin, the perfect shade of

perfect

I like it

when it glistens in the sun too

But I love it

When its that dark black blue hue

but do you love your black blue too?

They called you black

and all the other kids laughed

and made you feel

inferior

but the joke is on them when

our own folk pretend that

their hate is your hate

Because they hate their own skin

To begin with

Your blue black has endured

the many evils of

this world tenfold

And yet and still, it upholds

Soft as cotton, bright as pure gold

not that bright like artificial light

but that dark and natural and brilliant type

like the best night of my life

When we fell in love

The type of night that make you wanna

sleep outside because

Only on the darkest night

Can you see all of the stars and

All of the sky

I want you

And your black blue too

But I need you

To love it

And love it fiercely

As I do.

Perspective

student-vector-drawing-girl-preparing-exam-43417706

This piece is dedicated to the children who have lost their lives to school.

It’s not even worth it. I’m not gonna walk down the 10th grade hall. She’s gonna find me if I do. I hate that feeling when we lock eyes. I hate that she and her friends sense my fear, like a ferocious pit bull out for a kill. Being here is hard. Sometimes, I wish she weren’t here. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t here. I’ve tried to not be here last year, and 6 months ago and just 2 weeks ago. Momma says my skin ain’t thick enough, but time after time, the knife says otherwise, because unfortunately, I’m still here.

I’m

still

here

Here we go again with these bad ass girls. They’re one in the same. They wanna fight. They wanna challenge authority. They wanna be “bad bitches.” Don’t give me that ADHD-special ed.- mental health bullshit either. If my history class was about slingin’ on the corner or where to buy the best Malaysian hair, they’d be all ears. They know how to steal from the corner store. They know how to open up their legs. Thinkin’ they know everything. Too bad they don’t know they ain’t gonna amount to not a thing. Give them what they want. If they don’t care, I don’t care.

don’t

care

I don’t care about nothin’ else but him. My momma don’t want me. My daddy don’t want me. He’s all I got and I’ll be damned if I let this little hot-in-the-pants freshman take him away from me. I hate that feeling when they lock eyes. I hate the way he lights up every time she walks by him. When he approaches her, it sets my soul ablaze in the worst way. Take, take, take. That’s all everyone does around here. My grandfather took my virginity. My foster father took taking my dignity a step farther that one day when he…One day. I’m gonna take from this world as much or even more than it has taken from me!

It’s not even worth it but the knife says otherwise I’m gonna take from this world it sets my soul ablaze in the worst way.

Let’s all take the time to talk to our children and other children we know. Let’s also take the time to read up on and acknowledge the effects of bullying, abuse, low self-esteem and mental illness on our youth.

What you see isn’t always what you get.

Rest in peace Amy Francis-Joyner.

Livin’

He does whatever he wants and carelessly spreads his seeds

Tumbleweed the way he rolls around bed to bed, town to town as he please

But he don’t care, kids here kids there kids everywhere, animalistic breeding is in season

He thinks he’s on TOP, he ain’t gonna ever stop…and think to think he has no reason

Look at him, he’s the man, he got it goin on, he’s that guy with all those women runnin after him…

Givin no real value to the lives he’s bringing in…this world…and he really thinks he livin’

She is content when she gets her ends from the men

The different baby daddies that fathered her different children and

even though she’s left building up the kids’ home all alone

She picks up that phone no matter where the men roam, for the money for the school clothes…for the Air Jordans…for the Nike Foams

Her kids get to floss, she thinks she’s a boss…not giving a damn about the costs of a family spent from being bought

The men are forgiven for the wrongs done on her kids…and as long as she’s spendin’ with the little they givin’…she livin’

He sees his momma struggle and fight to keep the ship tight

but he thinks she’s supposed to do it, ain’t nothin to it, she’ll be alright

She just has herself cuz she don’t need no help

When WIC is their health and food stamps are their wealth

When the tumbleweed’s seed grows a tumbleweed tree

The cycle continues, what a sight it is to see

Oh the plight it is to be the seed falling down beneath

You can’t help but ask yourself…are you livin’ when you breathe?

For the Ladies: “Being a Woman”

For Women’s History Month, its only right to feature some beautiful words — about the beauty of womanhood.

For the ladies.

Being a Woman.

by Fantasia Alston

This doesn’t mean that our hair has to be long

Or that we’re overly sensitive

When something goes wrong

It also doesn’t mean we need to have curves

Or a face full of make-up

Just so men can observe

We’re courageous and strong with warm hearts

Beautiful in every single way

Our body is art

We are essential contributors

Who can take on any role

Influential muses

Knowing how to take control

Caregivers and breadwinners

Who’ll always pull through

With a herstory of progressive accomplishments

There’s nothing we can’t do

Follow Fantasia’s blog on Tumblr here.