I Still Don’t Like History

Me, at an overlook of the Blue Ridge Mountains, 2016

I pass by the house

The childhood of my dreams

All the love I could ever want or need

Was in it

Y’all did it

The Black American Dream

Y’all did it

And I like to look back but

That doesn’t change the fact that

I don’t like history

I hated that class with a passion

The past

Because it’s almost worse than math

Because the numbers say the odds are against me

What’s worse than that?

House on the lake south of the river

Apartment building downtown

Still reppin for the hood

Y’all did like the white folk

I guess to some people that’s supposed to mean you done good

The perfect home torn asunder

By the perfect storm

It was warm

But I knew something wasn’t right

My tears burned when I would cry

When y’all would fight

But it was still warm

Forehead kisses in the middle of the night when y’all used to check on me and

tuck me in tight

Under my skylight

Under the stars

The tension was so thick between y’all I could cut it with a knife

But what does an 8 year old know about knives and

What does an 8 year old know about life?

You went your separate ways and it had to be done

It was for the best

Y’all had a good run

Somebody dropped the ball

The last inning, the end of the game

I was in the crowd, I was your biggest fan and

I still am

But I still don’t like history

Now I’m grown and

Whenever I’m alone

I am haunted

As yesterday whispers in my ear today is in tears because the what ifs of tomorrow burn

Like the tears from when I was 8

I am worried and afraid of

The childhood of my dreams and

All the love I could ever want or need

Worried and afraid of history repeating itself

Weekly Wisdom: Everybody Needs to Get Uncomfortable

It’s so easy to get used to routine – and the comfort, the predictability and the stability it offers. While routine can be a good thing, it isn’t always.

We can get too comfortable. We can get too complacent with things and we can ultimately, lower our standards. It may be a relationship that isn’t fulfilling that you choose to stay in, simply because of the history you may have with your partner. You may find it easier to deal with the shortcomings of your relationship than being along or meeting new people. Or it could be a job you’ve been putting up with for years that you really hate. It may be stifling your growth or limiting your potential, but the comfort of knowing the job like the back of your hand seems to outweigh the negative.

Everybody likes to be comfortable. And some people (like me) can be pretty resistant to change. It’s normal. But our need to be comfortable can hurt us.

Everybody needs to get uncomfortable.

It’s the only way to grow. When you begin to rid yourself of lacking relationships, you can figure out what it is that you really want. What truly makes you happy and complete. If you try branching out from your mediocre job, you may find another position that lets you shine the way you deserve to shine. But growth will never happen if you don’t let yourself grow…and let your comfort go.

I can safely say I’m in the most uncomfortable stage in my life thus far. I’m on an educational/ career path I never imagined I’d take. I’m more independent than I’ve ever been. And in the past year, I’ve done things I never thought I’d do (mistakes included). And as I’m beginning to figure out what my next steps will be, I know it’s about to get even more uncomfortable. And let me tell you, I wasn’t very happy about this discomfort. Even now, I’m not ecstatic about it…but I do see so much positive, so much growth in it all.

Being mediocre is like that beat up pillow you’ve had forever. It doesn’t give you the best rest, but hey, it’s been around and it does the job.  Being extraordinary is the queen’s throne. Everybody wants the throne, but you have to be willing to give up that beat up pillow first.

Peace, Love & Consciousness