Letter to Addiction

addictionEDIT

Addiction,

Sometimes I know exactly what I want to tell you, sometimes the words to describe how I feel about you are hard to find. I’m sitting here drawing a blank, at a loss for words, but at the same time I can feel every word I have yet to write. I can feel. But you can’t feel.

Feelings are among the many things you do not possess. You don’t feel the sadness I feel when you forget about me. You don’t feel the anger I feel when I see you manipulate your way through your life…or should I say what’s left of your life. You don’t know how happy I feel on the days when remnants of your old self manage to surface from time to time, and how let down I feel when I come to terms with the fact that they are as authentic as your pseudo-emotions.

Addiction

I said that I was drawing a blank, but truth is, you’re the one with the empty space. No dreams, no goals, no ambitions and no passions will ever fill it. Your drug of choice is the only void that can fill that void. Its everything and its nothing.

Time goes by, yet you stop time. You stop life. Your victims are frozen in a moment – because in exchange for the high, they lose a lifetime.

But I’m a victim too. Thank the Lord above, no drug has led me down your path. But as I watch as people I care about are dragged down your dark corridors, winding roads and uphill excursions, I too have been riding along in the backseat, feeling every bump, every wrong turn.

Addiction

You are one of the most selfish people I know.  You take everything and you give nothing. You think the world revolves around you. You think you have it all figured out. You think you have everyone around you fooled, but the joke is on you.

You sleep all day. You’re up all night. You itch all over. You can’t hold a job. Your nose bleeds. You’ve gained weight. You’ve lost weight. You can’t hold a relationship. You’re depressed. You’re anxious. You lie. You cheat. You steal. You think you’re better than everyone else. You think you’re the smallest person on this earth.

 Addiction

Get the hell out and take your bottles, your pills, your joints, your rocks, your needles and everything else you brought here with you. And on your way out, give us back our loved ones you’ve been holding for hostage for so long.

Wait a minute…why am I writing this letter? Why am I expecting anything in return from you? I’m sitting here pouring my heart out, but why?

Because I can feel, but you can’t.

Feel.

Weekly Wisdom: When it Makes Me Wanna Holler…

 

We all find ourselves in frustrating situations. Situations where we’ve been done wrong, discriminated against or maybe even cheated out of opportunities. No one is immune to funny business…but we can certainly fight back against making fools of ourselves in poorly thought-out and emotionally based reactions…by NOT doing so.

 

This is a little close to my heart, because this right here…is one of my biggest character flaws to date. Don’t let it be yours.

 

Today I found myself in such a situation. And I was ready, I thought to myself. Ready to send the nastiest of nasty emails and ready to march my way to the aggressor’s place of business and show him that I’m not somebody to mess with. I had thought about exposing him and his discriminatory act to his co-workers and blowing his spot to the umpteenth degree. But then my mother overheard my “plans” and stopped me dead in my tracks.

 

“Think. Think about what you’re about to do. You’re about to cut your nose to spite your face,” she said. The last part, for those who don’t know, is a fancy way of saying you’re about to ruin yourself in your attempt to get revenge. And after that was said, I did stop and think. And I realized, she was absolutely right. The situation dealt with a professional relationship and the way I was planning to react to the injustice would have hurt me and my work significantly.

 

People ain’t right.  What else is new?

 

“Makes Me Wanna Holler” is an autobiography by Nathan McCall. I haven’t read it yet, but I’ve read that it’s the story of a young black man and his raging anger against society. A society that he feels has done him wrong ever since he could remember. Mr. McCall isn’t alone – everybody has those ‘makes me wanna holler’ moments. These situations always seem to find us. You may have a boss that seems to treat all the other workers better than she treats you. Someone you know who works nothing close to as hard as you do may have received an award over you and you felt some kind of way. A significant other may be putting way less effort into your relationship while you’re running around putting your blood, sweat and tears into it.

 

Just because you wanna holler – go all the way off full blast, turn the place out, show ‘em what’s really up, tell that ‘so and so’ off, give them a taste of their own medicine – however you want to put it, doesn’t mean that you should. You may make the situation worse for yourself. I’ve hollered and I’ve hollered…plenty of times. And made plenty of fools of myself. Enough for me you and everyone else who may read this.

 

Friends don’t let friends get ruined by ruined people.

 

Know when to speak, know when to holler and know when to sit your tail down somewhere, friend.

 

 

 

 

 

Peace, Love & Consciousness

 

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Kiara